I was up all night, I haven’t closed my eyes for more than ten minutes. I think it’s because I’m nervous about tomorrow/ later today (I’ll share details later) or maybe because I cannot silence my emotional and mental self. No need to worry. It will pass.
I remembered I owe you a story… So, where were we?
I went back to the texts like it was a normal routine. I remember being ‘halfway’ there, because anytime he wanted to meet, I would be ‘busy’ and later I’d make plans when I knew it was impossible for him to meet me.
Listen, before you judge me; I was fresh out of a situation where I wasn’t crowned the Queen of hearts, so I thought there was no way, absolutely none, this guy was suddenly going to crown me his Queen.
Ps. I’ve already crowned myself, it’s very important to be your own Queen first.
I have never seen such patience in a man. He was always there besides all the drama. Until, of course none of us could take it anymore, it just became an impossible situation.
After that I decided to take time and put myself together. I did a good job, because I have been the happiest since around mid/late 2018. Emotionally, mentally and even spiritually.
Some lessons I learned during my TIME.
1. Set your standards. Do not be afraid to let someone know what you want. If they can’t be to you what you want to be to them. Leave honey! Take off your heels or regular shoes for the fellas and run the hell out of that relationship.
2. Letting go hurts less than holding on. If I had let go early enough from the ‘destroyer of hearts’ (I just thought, ‘this is someone’s son’) , I probably would have never gone through the whole self-esteem problem that I went through. The problem was never me/ my appearance, it was simple; I wasn’t for him and he wasn’t for me.
3. You can never make someone ready for what you are ready for. Our patient guy could never have made me ready for anything until I was well enough to want what he wanted and vice versa. The earlier you learn this the better.
4. Effort. Yes! If someone really wants you to be a part of your life, they make the effort. This goes both ways. Don’t be out here expecting the world from someone if you’re not willing to do the same.
5. Ladies don’t be scared to leave in fear of loss. If there’s anything I know about men, they go after what they want. So, if he’s ok with you going, darling, go in peace.
How have I used this lessons?
I stared at the ceiling for a good fifteen minutes thinking if I should share this or not. You’re here to learn and laugh a little so here it goes…
I met this guy, who I already knew and had a mad crush on. You know the kind where y’all are married and have kids in your imagination. LOL. One of my friends decided to tell him about it.
You know guys, the minute he heard about this, he had to make a move. I knew he was in a relationship/ it was rumored he was and I didn’t believe it because it was a very mysterious kind of relationship. Like, I’m a journalist and I couldn’t find her. Don’t discredit my degree on not finding a person. (My infamous eye roll). So, we started to get know each other and he realized the amazing human being that I am and started to like me, because came on… I already liked him so…
Every time we were together it felt right, I kid you not. He looked at me the same way Klaus Michaelson would look at Caroline Forbes (Vampire Diaries). My friends knew there was a guy driving me nuts but, I couldn’t tell them who he was. One of my friends started calling him Omar, another one ‘beard gang papa shark’.
We even forgot there was a ‘third party’ (more like I forgot), wait I was the third party. I started to see red flags, weird energy, dodgy behavior, then I remembered I wasn’t exactly number 1.
I hadn’t set my standards. I knew that even if I did very little would change, it’s like putting a price on an already sold product. We continued to talk and flirt, but I was looking for the right time to set the record straight. With these things, there’s never a right time, so I just had to let go as soon as I could and then leave before I got burnt. (Lessons 5, 3 and 4) Before I was too attached and things went too far deep, I gave him an ultimatum; to choose me or lose me. I should never be an option to anyone, right? Neither should you.
His choice made lesson number 5 very clear. If i didn’t know better., I probably would have held on or worse, tried to prove that I’m worth his love and attention.
My point is, from my campus love stories, I have learned my worth and value. That no one should play around with my emotions if they haven’t figured out their own. Finally, that I shouldn’t stick around people’s lives if I have no intentions to stay.
I don’t know what scares me the most, the fact that these guys will read this or that my grandchildren might. LOL.